Unsaid...her story...

We were friends from as long as I can remember. He sat next to me for years and we shared everything from new stationery to lunches. Every morning he would come to me with a new story about his brothers or his parents, he always made me laugh. I never tell my girlfriends but he had always been my best friend. We shared so much and were always happy around each other.

But that slowly changed. When I got my glasses in class 5, he started teasing me and calling me “Chashmish”. When I cried, he told me it was out of love, don’t mind. And I never did. All others also began calling me “Chashmish” but I didn’t mind. It was out of love after all. Things still were the same, we chatted the same way, just sometimes he teased me, so I was never angry at him for it. I slowly began to like being called “Chashmish” by him. He often told the other boys not to call me that, it was only his right. He had his right to give me a name; he had a right on me. For me he had all rights on me, after all I was his best friend and he was mine.

As we grew up, the teachers started separating boys from girls. It began with the girls who matured earlier, I was a late bloomer and I was glad of it. But eventually that day came and we were separated. And my life changed from then on.

Now he didn’t come rushing to me each morning to tell me what happened the night before. He spent all his time with the boys, doing boy things. We hardly ever spoke. Even though we were often paired together, thanks us being the tallest in class, but it was never the same. I was losing my best friend, and eventually I made peace with the thought. I was no longer his best friend; I was told teenage girls can’t be friends with boys, bad things happen. I couldn’t bring myself to believe it, but I had to follow. Being separated from him was the worst thing, what else could happen. I was told this isn’t the time to focus on friends but on studies, so I studied hard. Put all my focus in my books, but I could never bring myself to stop missing him.

And then that day on the way to the assembly, he bumped into me and broke my glasses. I screamed at him but he didn’t even bother to apologies or even say anything. He just stared at me like a fool. I was so angry at him, those were new glasses; I had saved up to buy that expensive pair. I wanted to cry but his blank face just made me angry. I got in so much trouble at home because of him and he couldn’t even say a word.

I sat with him that day, he was to help me with the class notes and he was quiet. Even if I asked him for something, he didn’t say a word. Just stared at me blankly and gave me what I wanted. My heart broke that day, I cried myself to sleep that night. And swore I will not waste any more energy on him, I will bury all my feelings; he doesn’t deserve it.

The rest of the year was weird, I found him just staring at me stupidly every time I looked in his direction. In the assembly line he stands awkwardly close, sometimes I feel him sniffing my hair. I can often feel his breath at the back of my neck, but when I turn around all I get is a blank stare. My friends say that he’s crazy about me, but I can’t see that. He doesn’t even say “hi” anymore. No one calls me “Chashmish” anymore; one of my friends told me that he had asked everyone not to, I can’t understand why.

The other day, his best friend told me that he is in love with me. When I asked him how he knows, he just said he thinks so. If it’s true why doesn’t he say anything? His silence is driving me crazy. Everyone tells me I should go talk to him and tell him how I feel. But why should I? Girls don’t make the first move, or do they? And what if he said he doesn’t feel the same. No I can’t do that.

It’s our School Farewell today, and I’m heartbroken. This is probably the last time I’ll see him, I’ve heard he’s going to another city for his college. If he doesn’t say anything even today I will bury all my feelings, this will be the last day of me feeling this way.

They said that song was for me, his expression of love. They said I should talk to him and tell him I feel the same way. But how can I he didn’t even look at me all evening. The night is ending; my heart is fluttering, hoping he would at least come say goodbye in person. But he didn’t, just smiled at me as I walked out.

I guess not every love has a story.

Unsaid

It was just like another school day, we were all gathered on the last bench sharing jokes and making fun of each other. The girls of the class were gathered on the other side, giggling. The assembly bell rang and we all started to rush towards the door, trying to get out before it was late and we got punished. In the rush I bumped into her, and she fell on the floor. Everyone started laughing and I bent down to help her stand up. She looked up at me with anger and tears in her eyes. Her eyes, so dark, so big and so beautiful; it was the first time I had seen her eyes. Her glasses fell on the floor when we crashed, and I had stepped on them.

She was now screaming something at me, her eyes wide and so beautiful. A few other girls joined in as well, but I don’t think I remember. I was under a spell; everything and everyone around just didn’t exist.

I was jolted back to reality by our class teacher, who got me by the ear and scolded me for my misbehavior. I was punished that day. Since I broke her glasses and she couldn’t see clearly, I was to sit next to her in the front bench and help her with what’s being taught.

When I took the seat next to her, I could see how awkward she felt and how rest of the class giggled. For the last couple of years, girls and boys never sat together in class. I took my place next to her, extremely aware of her presence; I could smell her and feel her warmth. My heart was thudding in my chest.

The class started and she drew closer to me to see my notes. I swear my heart stopped each time she came close. I didn’t dare to look at her all day; I knew I’d be in trouble if I looked at her face. I wasn’t sure what I felt and why, all I knew was that I didn’t want the day to end, ever. But it did.

On the way home, my friends made fun of me for being stuck with “Chashmish”.  I had given her that name when she first wore glasses in class 3 or 4. We’ve been in the same class since our primary years. Till today she was always this lanky, bespectacled, nerdy girl in my class. She always had her hair in a long oiled braid and her skinny body in an awkward looking uniform. She was taller than most boys in class, which added to her awkwardness. We all made fun of her, especially me. I used to share a bench with her till a few years back because our last names were the same. I think we were friends till puberty struck and the teachers made all the girls sit on one side and the boys on another. I don’t think I looked at her in all these years, not the way I did today. For the first time I looked at her face and her eyes.

Had she changed, or was it me? Now I didn’t want to call her “Chashmish” and I didn’t want my friends to tease her. But I couldn’t say that to them. I told myself that I’ll be fine later, and what I felt was nothing. I went about my day as usual, tuition classes, homework, chores, fighting with siblings, arguing with mom, typical day.

The next morning, while entering school I was looking around for her. My heart was fluttering and my eyes searching for her face. Finally I spotted her; back to her “Chashmish” self. She smiled at me as we crossed each other and my heart skipped a beat again and my life changed forever.

The rest of the year was spent staring at her from my bench, hoping to she would look back and smile. She did a few times and those times marked as the most beautiful moments of my school life. I was in love; “Chashmish” was my first love.

It was common to have a girlfriend, most of my friends did. But I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her how I felt. We were often paired for group activities or games owing to our last name and similarity in height. In all these times I just couldn’t say a word. All I could do was stare at her face and those eyes behind the dorky glasses.

And then came the final day of our school year, our School Farewell. She looked stunning, in her simple sari, her long hair dancing on her waist and no glasses.  I sang for her that night (my last performance at school), the only time I put my feelings to words, but no one knew it was for her. I knew this was my last chance but I couldn’t. I hoped the words of my song reached her.

“Humain tumse mohabbat hai…jatana bhi nahi aata…” (I’m in love with you and I don’t even know how to express it)

It was the last time I ever saw her. Most of us exchanged contact and college details, exchanged promises of always staying friends and always staying in touch. We just exchanged a smile before she left. That image has been etched in my heart forever.

Even after all these years, I sometimes write her name on my palm, just to remember the feeling of my first love.

“Hatheli par tumhara naam…likhte hain mita te hain…”

Tere Khat...love letters

Jinko duniya ki nigahon se chhupaye rakha…

Jinko ek umr kaleje se lagaye rakha….

Deen jinko jinhain eeman banaye rakha….

Teri khushboo main base khaat main jalata kaise….

Pyar main doobe hue khat main jalata kaise….

This song played over and over on the music player. This was one of her favorites and he thought it was it was too depressing. “Ghazals are for alcoholics…” he would mock her, to which she always responded saying one day I’ll make you like them.

Today, he was listening to it over and over again, just wishing she was here to see him. And also wishing he had one more chance of seeing her. He wanted to hold her one more time and tell her how much he truly loved her. If only he could hear her voice, even if it was a nag, just one more time. He wanted to tell her all those things that he had never said to her. In all the years he had known her, as a friend, a lover and a wife, he never expressed his true feelings to her ever.

She was an incorrigible romantic, crazy about candle light dinners, moonlit walks, holding hands, talking sweet nothings for hours, romantic movies and songs made her cry and reading love stories was her favorite pastime. He was the exact opposite, very athletic, loved outdoor activities, very eccentric needed his space and time, very ambitious and workaholic, hated romantic novels and could never understand why she cried buckets when Leonardo Di Caprio dies in Titanic or why she even liked him. And why she cried while reading PS, I Love You. He could never understand why she would want to spend hours on the phone talking sweet nothings whenever she was away. And why she would get angry if he didn’t respond to her lovey-dovey text messages during office hours. And why would she get angry at him if she felt he wasn’t saying what he really wanted to.

Caught in the daily rut of making a career and earning money he had put his personal life sort of on hold. After a long hectic day at work when he would come back with plans of reading something or working more and would always tell himself after I finish this or after I accomplish this I would spend time with her or I would buy her a gift or I would take her for a holiday. And each day when he returned home he was greeted by her with open arms, she would hug him, kiss him and he would back off saying let’s keep this for the weekend. He did this not because he didn’t want to love her, he was just postponing it to a weekend or some day when he would be free of all the worries. He always wanted to things to be planned, so he would plan his days, his work and his love. There was a time for everything, and she was his wife after all, she’s always there, so why special planning for it. 

“We’re always together sweetheart, then why should we do special things; each day is special isn’t it…”

In the initial years she thought he was being unreasonable and would argue this with him. But then eventually she made peace with it. She would just tell him this time that we’re missing out would never come back. Each time you don’t tell me that you love me when you feel like saying it, would never come back.

That evening, when she called him like always before boarding her flight, he yelled at her saying he was busy and she can message whatever she wanted to say. One more time his words made her cry and she just wrote “I will always love you….”

This was her last message, her flight crashed right after takeoff. And guess what, he got to know of the crash after three hours from the evening news. There were numerous missed calls on his phone, which he ignored while working. It was her office people trying to contact him and tell him about what had happened. He couldn’t believe what he heard. For the next few hours he just sat in his corner office alone, almost dazed reading the last message she had sent.

Today, he’s performed her last rites. The crash was bad, so not much was left of the bodies found. Now he’s back, in the house they made together, with her pictures all around. From the picture of their first kiss to this day; she had captured just about every moment and put them all around the house. She was all around her, talking non-stop, nagging him for something or other, yelling for no reasons, singing loudly or just cursing the whole world for not working according to her whims.

He opened her cupboard, her clothes had her smell, and he held them all close to himself, he didn’t cry. He couldn’t bring himself to believe that she’s gone. He was ‘comfortably numb’. He won’t see her again, ever. He took out all her stuff and spread it out on the bed, he favorite shoes, clothes everything had a story. And then he found a box. It was a nice velvet box; hand decorated and had his name on it. He opened it and there were letters. Lots of them all addressed to him.

He was surprised to see them, coz she had never given him any of them; in fact she never even mentioned them. He sat down reading them one after the other. They were written on days they had arguments and she wrote what she felt; on days, she was very happy wanted share it with him but he was busy; on days, they were away; on days, they didn’t get time to share feelings. Some were written in the middle of the night when she woke up after a bad dream and didn’t want to disturb him. Today he realized what she did when she locked herself up each time they had an argument or she was upset about anything. She had poured her heart out in these letters.

It took him two days to finish years of letters. The sense of loss was hitting him with each word she wrote. And he remembered each time they hurt each other on petty things, how many times he didn’t tell her he loved her when he should have. How many times she felt sorry but didn’t say it. How many times they missed out on beautiful moments in life because they were busy.

Life is short…Live it…

My sister told me about her friend who died a few days back. The boy was just 23 years old and the only son of a very established business family, died in a road accident. Till today I didn’t know if my sister knew any such person, finding my sister all shaken by this incident I felt there’s a need for all of us to think about something that we never think of, Death and Life. The one thing we completely take for granted is the life that we are living, we very conveniently forget that one day we would die.

Ankit (name changed), was just 23. He would have had a million dreams he would want to fulfill, like falling in love, like seeing the world, like experiencing the ups and downs of life and grow old etc. Now since his story came to an abrupt end, he would not be able to do that.

But what about us, people who are still living, are we living our dreams. I think the answer is NO.

A lot of people might say that it’s not true, because someone wanted to become a business tycoon; he became one. Someone wanted to own an expensive house, he now owns one. Someone wanted to be the head of the company, he became that. Most of us dream of material things and we strive to achieve them, and for us that is in the true sense living your dreams.

But tell me honestly, if tomorrow you get to know that you have just a few months left to live, what would you do? The question is very filmy, there are a thousand films I can think of, made on this question, but has anyone ever seriously given it a thought.

We’re all crazy collecting material happiness, ignoring friends, family and our own self on trying to be successful. And one day without notice it’s all over. Then what….???

I know of someone who’s a mother but spends 14-18 hours in a day at work, leaving her 2 year old daughter to be taken care of by a maid. Why…professional success. Then I know of someone who I’ll treats his family and ignores them and prefers to earn loads of money and buy property.

You know when my grandfather died; I was of course very sad and upset. I reached home dreading to see my grandmother’s face. And to my surprise she was calm and composed, wiping off other peoples tears. And every now and then with a brave face touching his forehead, I don’t know if anyone else saw what I did, but all I could see on her face was a hope that one last time he would open his eyes and tell her how much he loves her.

Not even one percent people in this world are as lucky as my grandparents were. They were married for 60 years and each day of at least my life which is a long time I saw them say “I Love You”.  And not just to each other, they did not spare the opportunity of telling each person they loved how much they loved them. And they both died surrounded by all the people they loved; with a smile on their face they left the world seeing everyone around them.

We might not be as lucky. We don’t know when our lives would come to an end and how. Would it be the end of the world as they say in 2012; Or World War 3; or a terrorist attack, bomb blast or some deadly virus infecting the world? We don’t know that, we don’t know when, where and how, but yes someday sometime for sure. And guess what when death stares us in the face, most of us would be filled with regret of not living our dreams, or not loving our families enough, or not having told the one I truly loved what he/she meant to me.

When I look around, I see people running after material wealth at the cost of anything and everything. People spending their lives scheming and plotting how to take away one bit of happiness or success from the person they consider competition. We compete for money, for success, beauty everything, we compete and fight hard to win. But what after you’ve won that competition; another one.

Ask yourself what truly makes you happy and how often do you do that.

Why are we so crazy about winning….???

What do we want to win….???

Why can’t we just live….???

How does it matter what country, caste, sex, religion or social status you are from…why can’t we be free to go where we want to and do what we want to??/

We hesitate in getting drenched in the rain because we worry about what people would think. We hesitate in crying or laughing out loud because of what people will think. We don’t do what brings us true happiness because someone somewhere (parents, spouse, or society) would not think very highly of it. And we don’t eat what we want to eat coz we want to be size zero, and appreciated by the world around.

We stop ourselves from everything, smiling, laughing, crying, singing, eating, and sometimes even breathing because someone somewhere would object to it.

We’ve given up our freedom, to get this stupid social system around us. A system which evaluates people on the basis of their material wealth, color, caste, sex. A system which is willing to kill and crush each meager life for the material benefits of a handful people. We keep giving up things or people we like/love for material benefits and silently one day it’s over.

And trust me, that day all the money and power holds the value of dust. At the end it doesn’t matter how many promotions I’ve had or how many houses I’ve built or how much money I have. What matters is did I live each day to the fullest. Did I do everything I ever wanted in life (not material things of course)? Did I tell each person who meant something to me how much I loved them and how thankful I feel for having met them? Did I ever make someone truly happy? Did I ever comfort someone who needed support? Did I feed a hungry child? Did I ever spend time listening to a lonely soul and telling them that they are not alone?

Unfortunately, Ankit couldn’t do any of these things, he was too young. But when you see someone die young, don’t be scared or sad, learn a lesson.

Life is too short; you don’t know when it would end. Live it to the fullest, live not to earn but to spread happiness, hope and love.

That’s the purpose each one of us has no rocket science to it.

Wrote this one a long time back...was lost in my folders... 24/10/2010

To Love…

I watched “Letters to Juliet” tonight. I wouldn’t say that it was the greatest romantic movie ever made; but it was special. It’s about a woman finding her true love, her soul mate after 50 years. And then I got thinking about this whole mystical idea called “True Love”. What is it? Does it exist? Have I experienced it or will I experience it? Did someone like Romeo and Juliet actually exist? If they did, how did they feel? How did they manage to love each other so passionately?

You know the whole concept of love thanks to movies like these or romantic stories and books has become a complete mystery. If we were to believe science, then a man and a woman meet or see each other. Their brain does some sort of calculations based on their body symmetry and their smell, and decides that they can have a healthy off spring. That’s what starts the chain reaction of hormones that makes us feel woozy all over and the two people get together to successfully produce a healthy off spring. Now that kills the mystery of love doesn’t it. But seriously, how do we fall in love?

Is this just a concept people fancy and write about or make movies about or something so strong and so passionate truly exists that makes people do crazy things? People die for love, they cross oceans for love; they betray their families for love. So what is Love, is it just the desire to produce a healthy off spring? Or there is more to it. What and who is our soul mate? Where do they come from and how does one get to know if they’ve found them?

You know when I actually think of true love, I always remember my grandparents. They didn’t have a Romeo Juliet romance, theirs was an arranged marriage. My grandmother was about 17 or 18 and my grandfather was about 24 I guess. Their fathers had decided who they would spend the rest of their lives with and guess what they found their soul mates in each other. I have never seen any couple more romantic than them. They did of course have their fair share of fights, arguments and disagreements, yet in spite of all these they were hopelessly in love. So passionately and hopelessly and deeply and mindlessly in love that even death couldn’t keep them apart for long. They shared a beautiful life together for 60 years, something that seems unimaginable to me. Sixty years is a bloody long time. And not even for a moment they left each other’s sight. It was like even if they were not physically together they still were.

It was awesome to see them together. And listen to them softly talking to each other sitting at the terrace watching birds fly, or just sitting together while he read the news paper and she lovingly looked at him. Her eyes would be filled with so much warmth whenever she looked at him. And he would never miss an opportunity to tell her how beautiful she was and how much he loved her. He would just rest his head on her lap if he was stressed and she would gently run her fingers through his hair. Sometimes they would just sit together silently holding hands. I guess they were at a stage where words didn’t matter.

The day he died, we all knew she was devastated. But even in that moment she kept running her fingers through his hair like she always did, looking at him with just love in her eyes. A look that said I’ll be with you soon. After he was gone, even though she was completely calm on the outside, her eyes were always looking for him. She died within six months.

I guess that’s what soul mates are and that’s true love.

Wrote this one a long time back...was lost in my folders... 1/12/2010

Atrangi Yaari…

Yaari.. teri yaari…Chal maana iss baari…Saari meri fikrein…Tere aage aake haari…

Once upon a time in a small town there was a small kindergarten, and in its small class among the other kids there were two girls. One a little chubby and cute, another one cute but not so chubby. They were both made to sit together and got talking in their little toddler ways, they talked and talked, so much that the teacher had to separate them. But in the time they sat together, something happened that entwined their lives forever. They became “best friends”, a friendship that will last a life time. A friendship, that was untouched by time, distance, relationships or anything worldly. A bond stronger than all else, after all even their siblings have not known them for as long as they’ve known each other.

Friendships like these are rarer than finding true love, or maybe this is true love but we’ve all been mistaking romantic love to be so. A love so pure and selfless. This is what truly means to have and to hold, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. It’s funny how we use these vows during a wedding, when we truly have taken them with our Soul-sisters much earlier than we even met our spouses. 

The vow of patiently listening to endless grumbling about boys, heartaches, crushes, parents, career, common enemies and everything under the Sun. The vow of being there any time of day, of being just a phone call or a message away. The vow of not judging, yet giving the right advise always. The vow of always speaking the truth no matter how bitter and then giving your shoulder to cry when needed. The vow of standing by and supporting everything without question and willing to fight the world for them, and later slap them silly for being absolute fools for doing it in the first place when alone. The vow of lying to parents so they can sneak out on dates or apply for jobs or whatever else they know their parents would be mad at. The vow of laughing on the silliest things only you could find funny. The vow of dreaming & praying for each other, hoping they have all the happiness the world can offer, without a speck of jealousy (well ok a bit of it, depending on what’s the other one getting, but very very little okay). The vow to understand the unspoken words and unshed tears, and wipe them even when you are miles apart. The vow to always say the right things when needed the most. And so many more that mere words cannot describe.

The bond between those two toddlers is about 34 years old and still strong. Along the way there were many more who joined in this sisterhood. Sharing memories of fun & laughter, of tears and trials. My girls are truly my lifeline, sharing a part of me that’s visible to no one, a part of me which is often unlovable, yet received the most love from them. And with this post I want to thank each one of them and especially my oldest & dearest friend for always being there, for being a part of my life, you have made this journey so much more beautiful. Without you most things in my life would be boring AF. Thank you Universe for bringing her and the others I hold close to my heart and making my life so meaningful.

Cheers to Soul Sisters…Cheers to our Atrangi Yaari… Love You...

Find your happy place….

What do you do when you’re having a super crappy day? Or, you are bugged out of your wits and want to punch someone in the face? Or, when you want to hide your face in a pillow and cry? 

This happens to me often, when I have no control over the situation and am completely bugged out of my wits. Being in office makes it worse. I have had moments in life where I’ve hidden my tears under the long bangs on my face or just sat in the wash room and cried for a while. Sometimes crying let’s get the anger and pain out of your system. It may not be a personal problem always, but sometimes I get so angry that tears just roll down my cheeks. And I’m glad that happens; else I would end up hurting people really bad. 

Things like these, whether due to work situations or your personal problems happen to all of us. And the problem gets worsened by not being able to stop thinking about it. It is difficult and bordering impossible to just stop thinking about it and pondering over it and trying to process your feelings and work at that time. So we mostly end up with an awful mood and poor health. 

What should one do about this..???

My solution to this is switching my mind off from the situation that is bugging me. Though I may sound escapist to some people, but that’s the best solution I have. You need to give yourself a break from the negative situations; else you end up harming yourself. In the last few years of life, I’ve been through some really trouble-some times and that’s when I realized the more I ponder over things, the more they kill me. Negative thoughts and feelings in your head/heart are like malignant cells; the sooner you get rid of them the better it is, else there is always a chance of a life threatening cancer. 

After spending nights crying myself off to sleep and days being angry at stupid brainless people at work, I finally found the switch off button. That’s probably the best discovery I believe after fire ;). It truly saved a lot of lives (of people who I wanted to kill, still want to kill but I manage to control that feeling). So how did I do it, by following two simple things:-

First, a mix of spirituality and teachings from school, “when life’s fcking you and you can’t do anything about…lie back and enjoy it…” Ask yourself, “so what…?”, “so what...things aren’t going the way you planned?”, “so what you didn’t get the desired promotion or raise..?”, “so what the one you loved the most left you for someone else…?”, “so what you didn’t get all you dreamt of in life?”, “so what people around you don’t appreciate you..?” etcetera. The “so what” in life can be many, the point is that all these things that we burn our blood over and things we cry over are absolutely out of our control. Can I do anything to make my boss promote me, or my co-workers appreciate me? Can I do anything to make my family love me? Will any amount of crying bring back the guy I fell in love with? Or, will any amount of bitching bring back the project I was supposed to get? 

Nothing changes in your life or your circumstances, no matter what you do. We somehow in most situations fail to realize that the things we are getting angry/sad/upset about are not in our control. We cannot control what people do, how they behave. And mostly in life we can also not control the situations we are put in. most things in life happen coz they happen, a lot of times we end up being there more coz it’s a matter of timing and not choice. The only thing I have control over is me and how I let myself get affected by all this. No one is affected but me with how I react. 

You may yell at someone who pisses you off or even hit someone, but the only one harmed in this process is you. Most of us find it hard to get out of the situation much after it’s over. Most of us keep living and re-living it, what I should have said could have made a difference. Or, what should have I done different. And it’s only stupid to assume that you ponder over things that are more personal. Maximum people have stress only due to work situations. Like someone who once told me that she fell sick coz she’s so stressed about work. Another person, who has developed bad eating habits coz of work related stress. People have trouble sleeping, eating, concentrating and a lot of other physical or mental issues because of work. And funny thing is that it’s not the amount of work that one has to do that causes all this, its people and their behavior. 

A lot of people including myself find it frustrating to work with people who are slow in understanding or performing the work assigned. Now tell me, how does my getting frustrated going to help this situation. If a person is slow or fast or whatever, can I change him/her? No I can’t and neither can you. So why bother getting frustrated over it. ‘Coz the only person getting hurt in this situation is you. Another work situation is when people work with someone they don’t like or are not treated well by someone at work. Now I’m not telling you to just bow down and accept it no. tell the person that you do not wish to be treated this way, which mostly we don’t do. What we do instead is become passive aggressive. We vent out at the wrong places and wrong time. And often can be found bitching about the person. Again, the only party getting poorly affected in this situation is you. 

So my rule of life is- “If I can’t change the situation or person, I learn to ignore it”. That also includes people and situations I have to live with long term. Its like, is someone tells you, you have cancer you can either sulk about it for the rest of the days you are alive or live with the fact that you have the disease, work on it as much as you can and live your life the way it needs to be lived. At least, I won’t spend my life sulking about people and situations. So if I can’t do anything, I move on, because my time is not worth wasting crying over spilled milk.

I don’t know if this is the best way of dealing with negative emotions. But it works, and in the long run you strengthen your immune system in fighting such negative emotions. 

This was the long term method. Now lets talk about my second and instant relief methods (ya, I have more than one depending on the situation).

• Music- the fastest mood up-lifter. I listen to peppy dance music when I feel frustrated and I need to pick up myself and get on with work. More so coz my work includes interacting with people and it’s obviously not their fault that I am in a bad mood. So I listen to the happiest music I can find. I always keep a whole list of “Happy Songs” on my system or on my phone for instant relief. 

In situations where I am feeling really upset because of someone’s behavior, I sometimes listen to sad songs. A good cry is releases you of a lot of stress. Scientifically, after you cry your body starts releasing endorphins, which are happy hormones. Moreover, crying releases a lot of burden you may have on yourself. Crying is the equivalent of throwing up when you have a migraine. Instant relief!! 

This may sound funny, but I have actually made myself cry by listening to sad music, because I felt so heavy in my heart about what was happening around me. And sometimes your own emotions tend to suffocate you. So listen to something that can trigger an emotion and cry your heart out. Once the cloud of emotion is gone, you’ll be able to breathe better, see better and think better. It then makes the decision making process a lot easier.

Music also is a morale booster. I may sound super “filmy” saying this but try doing it, trust me you feel like a million dollars, even when the world tries to tell you, you’re not worth a penny. So here’s what I do to feel like a million dollars. I go for a walk with my ear-phones plugged in on blasting volume and I listen to the “Kill-Bill” soundtrack. Why “Kill-Bill”, coz that’s one of my favorite movies, and the idea of being Uma Thurman in that movie, makes me feel powerful, just like her. I often go for long walks listening to it. I walk fast with powerful steps and let the wind blow my hair. It’s an awesome feeling I’m instantly transported into a different world, where I am worth a bloody billion dollars ;) I feel sexy and powerful, it just brings me back to life and back to my awesome self :-P

• The LOO- in situations where I am angry beyond comprehension and I want to kill the person causing this, I go sit in the LOO. And if just sitting doesn’t help, then I count backwards. Sometimes 10 to 1 works, but there have been times when I’ve counted 100 to 1. (You know the people who made me count 100 to 1 should send me flowers, I could have killed them that day.) Why I suggest the LOO is because that is one place in the whole world where people do not disturb you. 

Once I got a really bugging boss off my back, when I told him I was in the ‘loo’ doing my business and would work on what he wants me to only once I’m done. After that day, he never called me to ask why I am not on my desk. 

And finally, “My Happy Place”. My best friend taught me this; I think by accident coz she forgot doing so. Anyways, on a day when I was feeling awful, as depressed and angry as possible, in trying to uplift me my friend taught me something that changed my life. She asked me to close my eyes and imagine the one place I’ll be happiest in, I immediately thought of the beach. While I was sitting at my desk pretending to work, she asked me to just imagine I was on a beach and I had the waves under my feet. Listen to the sound of waves, feel the breeze brush past your skin. To make this method even more powerful, I downloaded the sounds of the ocean on my system and my phone. 

Now whenever I see negative feelings surrounding me, I take myself to my happy place. That gorgeous beach, that breeze, the waves and the sands slipping below my feet, I feel them as I write this. 

I stay in my happy place mentally, till I feel the attack of negative emotions it’s over. The time I spend in this mental happy place calms me down, lets me focus on handling the problem instead of fighting it. I feel less angry more sane to deal with things. It takes a bit of practice, but once you train yourself to just get there instantly, it helps handling so many situations where you could have lost control. 

Find your happy place, that one place where in your head you shut down the noise around you and within you.