What do you do when you’re having a super crappy day? Or, you are bugged out of your wits and want to punch someone in the face? Or, when you want to hide your face in a pillow and cry?
This happens to me often, when I have no control over the situation and am completely bugged out of my wits. Being in office makes it worse. I have had moments in life where I’ve hidden my tears under the long bangs on my face or just sat in the wash room and cried for a while. Sometimes crying let’s get the anger and pain out of your system. It may not be a personal problem always, but sometimes I get so angry that tears just roll down my cheeks. And I’m glad that happens; else I would end up hurting people really bad.
Things like these, whether due to work situations or your personal problems happen to all of us. And the problem gets worsened by not being able to stop thinking about it. It is difficult and bordering impossible to just stop thinking about it and pondering over it and trying to process your feelings and work at that time. So we mostly end up with an awful mood and poor health.
What should one do about this..???
My solution to this is switching my mind off from the situation that is bugging me. Though I may sound escapist to some people, but that’s the best solution I have. You need to give yourself a break from the negative situations; else you end up harming yourself. In the last few years of life, I’ve been through some really trouble-some times and that’s when I realized the more I ponder over things, the more they kill me. Negative thoughts and feelings in your head/heart are like malignant cells; the sooner you get rid of them the better it is, else there is always a chance of a life threatening cancer.
After spending nights crying myself off to sleep and days being angry at stupid brainless people at work, I finally found the switch off button. That’s probably the best discovery I believe after fire ;). It truly saved a lot of lives (of people who I wanted to kill, still want to kill but I manage to control that feeling). So how did I do it, by following two simple things:-
First, a mix of spirituality and teachings from school, “when life’s fcking you and you can’t do anything about…lie back and enjoy it…” Ask yourself, “so what…?”, “so what...things aren’t going the way you planned?”, “so what you didn’t get the desired promotion or raise..?”, “so what the one you loved the most left you for someone else…?”, “so what you didn’t get all you dreamt of in life?”, “so what people around you don’t appreciate you..?” etcetera. The “so what” in life can be many, the point is that all these things that we burn our blood over and things we cry over are absolutely out of our control. Can I do anything to make my boss promote me, or my co-workers appreciate me? Can I do anything to make my family love me? Will any amount of crying bring back the guy I fell in love with? Or, will any amount of bitching bring back the project I was supposed to get?
Nothing changes in your life or your circumstances, no matter what you do. We somehow in most situations fail to realize that the things we are getting angry/sad/upset about are not in our control. We cannot control what people do, how they behave. And mostly in life we can also not control the situations we are put in. most things in life happen coz they happen, a lot of times we end up being there more coz it’s a matter of timing and not choice. The only thing I have control over is me and how I let myself get affected by all this. No one is affected but me with how I react.
You may yell at someone who pisses you off or even hit someone, but the only one harmed in this process is you. Most of us find it hard to get out of the situation much after it’s over. Most of us keep living and re-living it, what I should have said could have made a difference. Or, what should have I done different. And it’s only stupid to assume that you ponder over things that are more personal. Maximum people have stress only due to work situations. Like someone who once told me that she fell sick coz she’s so stressed about work. Another person, who has developed bad eating habits coz of work related stress. People have trouble sleeping, eating, concentrating and a lot of other physical or mental issues because of work. And funny thing is that it’s not the amount of work that one has to do that causes all this, its people and their behavior.
A lot of people including myself find it frustrating to work with people who are slow in understanding or performing the work assigned. Now tell me, how does my getting frustrated going to help this situation. If a person is slow or fast or whatever, can I change him/her? No I can’t and neither can you. So why bother getting frustrated over it. ‘Coz the only person getting hurt in this situation is you. Another work situation is when people work with someone they don’t like or are not treated well by someone at work. Now I’m not telling you to just bow down and accept it no. tell the person that you do not wish to be treated this way, which mostly we don’t do. What we do instead is become passive aggressive. We vent out at the wrong places and wrong time. And often can be found bitching about the person. Again, the only party getting poorly affected in this situation is you.
So my rule of life is- “If I can’t change the situation or person, I learn to ignore it”. That also includes people and situations I have to live with long term. Its like, is someone tells you, you have cancer you can either sulk about it for the rest of the days you are alive or live with the fact that you have the disease, work on it as much as you can and live your life the way it needs to be lived. At least, I won’t spend my life sulking about people and situations. So if I can’t do anything, I move on, because my time is not worth wasting crying over spilled milk.
I don’t know if this is the best way of dealing with negative emotions. But it works, and in the long run you strengthen your immune system in fighting such negative emotions.
This was the long term method. Now lets talk about my second and instant relief methods (ya, I have more than one depending on the situation).
• Music- the fastest mood up-lifter. I listen to peppy dance music when I feel frustrated and I need to pick up myself and get on with work. More so coz my work includes interacting with people and it’s obviously not their fault that I am in a bad mood. So I listen to the happiest music I can find. I always keep a whole list of “Happy Songs” on my system or on my phone for instant relief.
In situations where I am feeling really upset because of someone’s behavior, I sometimes listen to sad songs. A good cry is releases you of a lot of stress. Scientifically, after you cry your body starts releasing endorphins, which are happy hormones. Moreover, crying releases a lot of burden you may have on yourself. Crying is the equivalent of throwing up when you have a migraine. Instant relief!!
This may sound funny, but I have actually made myself cry by listening to sad music, because I felt so heavy in my heart about what was happening around me. And sometimes your own emotions tend to suffocate you. So listen to something that can trigger an emotion and cry your heart out. Once the cloud of emotion is gone, you’ll be able to breathe better, see better and think better. It then makes the decision making process a lot easier.
Music also is a morale booster. I may sound super “filmy” saying this but try doing it, trust me you feel like a million dollars, even when the world tries to tell you, you’re not worth a penny. So here’s what I do to feel like a million dollars. I go for a walk with my ear-phones plugged in on blasting volume and I listen to the “Kill-Bill” soundtrack. Why “Kill-Bill”, coz that’s one of my favorite movies, and the idea of being Uma Thurman in that movie, makes me feel powerful, just like her. I often go for long walks listening to it. I walk fast with powerful steps and let the wind blow my hair. It’s an awesome feeling I’m instantly transported into a different world, where I am worth a bloody billion dollars ;) I feel sexy and powerful, it just brings me back to life and back to my awesome self :-P
• The LOO- in situations where I am angry beyond comprehension and I want to kill the person causing this, I go sit in the LOO. And if just sitting doesn’t help, then I count backwards. Sometimes 10 to 1 works, but there have been times when I’ve counted 100 to 1. (You know the people who made me count 100 to 1 should send me flowers, I could have killed them that day.) Why I suggest the LOO is because that is one place in the whole world where people do not disturb you.
Once I got a really bugging boss off my back, when I told him I was in the ‘loo’ doing my business and would work on what he wants me to only once I’m done. After that day, he never called me to ask why I am not on my desk.
And finally, “My Happy Place”. My best friend taught me this; I think by accident coz she forgot doing so. Anyways, on a day when I was feeling awful, as depressed and angry as possible, in trying to uplift me my friend taught me something that changed my life. She asked me to close my eyes and imagine the one place I’ll be happiest in, I immediately thought of the beach. While I was sitting at my desk pretending to work, she asked me to just imagine I was on a beach and I had the waves under my feet. Listen to the sound of waves, feel the breeze brush past your skin. To make this method even more powerful, I downloaded the sounds of the ocean on my system and my phone.
Now whenever I see negative feelings surrounding me, I take myself to my happy place. That gorgeous beach, that breeze, the waves and the sands slipping below my feet, I feel them as I write this.
I stay in my happy place mentally, till I feel the attack of negative emotions it’s over. The time I spend in this mental happy place calms me down, lets me focus on handling the problem instead of fighting it. I feel less angry more sane to deal with things. It takes a bit of practice, but once you train yourself to just get there instantly, it helps handling so many situations where you could have lost control.
Find your happy place, that one place where in your head you shut down the noise around you and within you.
