Addicted

When I met you I was a mess...what happened with you was probably my way of getting over the last horrible relationship I was in. But what happened after that…? This is something I am yet to figure out. I didn’t realize my ten days and a kiss theory would end up becoming a habit of kissing you, ten times a day… ;)

 

What started as an effort to get over the past suddenly became my present and gradually my dreams of the future. It is just the perfect relationship I can’t deny that, we both understand each other well. We both know what the other person’s fears are and we know each others strengths. Also as they say what could be better if best friends become partners!!!!

 

So, we the best friends decide to become partners, but life isn’t so simple is it…???

 

They say when you die and you have some unfinished business your soul does not rest in peace till the task is finished. An unfinished past also does the same to you. Just when you thought you have sorted things out and you are ready to move on…you’ve got a surprise waiting for you right outside your door in the middle of the night. Amazing…isn’t it…. Just when you fall asleep comfortably in your best friend’s arms, feeling warm and secure… that little surprise wakes you up to reality….

 

Sometimes I wonder how such things happen…I mean how much of a coincidence can this be… you have a great evening with your love…new love I must mention… you spend the entire evening discussing your life together… from the wedding to the honeymoon… to career plans to kids… you discuss everything…and guess what both of you are thinking about your ex-lovers.

And somewhere down the line have this question in your heart why isn’t the person sitting in front of me him or her. You don’t think about them because you miss them or you are not happy in your new relationship. Your truly happy, happier than you were ever in the past and you do not miss them at all, you think about them coz they keep knocking at your door. You think about them coz you’ve not ended it once and for all.

 

Somehow when it comes to ending relationships, I think there can never be a healthy break-up. It doesn’t end till you’re nasty does it…?? I still haven’t found a way to bring my past relationship to a closure. And neither has he…

Somehow it’s just the most difficult thing to do… to tell the person who once was the center of your Universe that you don’t need them anymore. Its difficult to tell them that you’ve fallen in love again… you’ve found someone who loves you for what you are… you’ve found someone who truly makes you smile… you’ve found someone who cares for you… and someone who’s willing to accept you in-spite of all the mistakes and blunders of the past. Someone who’s just ok with all your imperfections coz they don’t matter… and someone to who is your best friend… the one you shared all your secrets and fears with… someone who does no think that you are a freak if you share your anxieties and weaknesses with them. And even when we find all that we don’t want to let go of the past… or are we not able to let it go.

Why and how does this become so difficult…???

 

Is yesterday’s pain & suffering more fulfilling than today’s happiness and the sense of completeness you receive from this new person in your life…???

 

Are we addicted to pain…??? Do we enjoy it now…??

 

I guess yes… we humans are very competitive my nature, we like the pressure; we tend to enjoy the constant struggle that we are in when in a rotten relationship. And somewhere we get really comfortable with the relationship however it is. And since there’s always some fire in the relationship, we find it difficult to believe that it is possible to have a relationship where things are smooth. A relationship where everything is fine and you are actually happy and not in a constant trauma, pain and suffering… A relationship where the two of you share smiles rather than screaming at each other and crying yourself to sleep…

 

It just so hard to accept this simple thing…

Why do we always doubt the simple things in life…

When I was with my ex and my (now) boy friend was with his ex, neither of us ever doubted the sanctity of the relationship and we never questioned the happiness we would get once we were with them, in spite of the fact that all we got in that relationship was pain and sadness. But the moment we find found happiness in each other and it seemed that we can take it further and make it last we started questioning each other.

 

“Would we be happy like this…even after we get married…???”

“Would you always love me the way you do now…???”

“Would you remain this way always…???”

 

And the list is endless, I’m wondering why didn’t we ask these questions to ourselves and to our ex lovers when we were unhappy. You know why, coz we accept unhappiness, failure etc more easily as compared to happiness, love and success.

 

He say’s “I Love you…” and I ask do you really mean it. And when I say it he asks if I’ll love him the same way always.

 

And now when we are thinking of tying the knot, our past is still knocking on the door. And the sad part is that we’re not willing to seal that door forever. At this stage also we are worried that we would break their hearts.

 

I still burst into tears when my ex gets drunk and calls me in the middle of the night…

 

And he finds it traumatic to tell his ex that he has decided to marry someone else…

 

We both don’t want to break their hearts, without realizing we might be breaking each other’s heart.

 

Rotten love is like a drug, and its addiction is deadly. Sometimes pain is so pleasurable and so addictive that we are willing to give up just about everything to stay in it.

 

But the question is… is it worth it…???

 

Would you like to loose the one person who truly makes you happy for this addiction to pain…???

 

Give it a thought…

Ten days and a kiss.........

“Ten days and a kiss that’s all it takes….you’ll get over him soon…” these were the words of guy telling me how easy it was surviving a break-up.

And apparently it turns out that’s true…it did took me only ten days and a kiss to get over the longest love affair of my life. It took me just ten days and a kiss to forget the one man I thought I loved the most in life. Relationships are tricky and we make them trickier by believing that they are forever. In life the only relationship you have forever is the one that you have with yourself.

Now doesn’t that sound like a really selfish, self-centered and insensitive statement, Hell yes it does…!!

But no matter how insensitive the statement might sound it is the truth of all of us. We fall in and out of love thinking that this person I’m with is the true love of my life and I’ve found the Right person for me and this is forever. We meet people, we fall in love and then we meet someone else….!!!

I always thought after meeting the Love of my life that I would never get attracted to any other man ever. I thought that when you are truly in love with that one perfect person you wouldn’t need anyone else. Well, I was wrong, I did need someone. I needed someone to hold on to, someone to help me get out of the true Love I was in. Not even in my wildest dreams had I imagined that I would ever need another man to help me let go of the one man I thought I was truly in Love with.

I a new man to help me get over a relationship with the old one, because I didn’t want to end the relationship I had with myself.

We live and we love for ourselves. We all do…but this makes me wonder why we claim that we love others selflessly.

All this while I was in Love with my true Love, I claimed that I have never loved anyone so selflessly. Everything I did, I said, I ate, I drank was for him. He was the center of my universe. He was the reason I lived, and if I was to live my life without him my heart would probably stop beating. What the FUCK…..!!!!

Who was I kidding….???
No matter how much we say we love another person the truth remains that we love ourselves the most. Everything I did to make that relationship work was not for him….it was for me. I did everything I possibly could because I wanted to get married. And more than that, I wanted to prove to myself that I could have whatever I wanted in life. And I also wanted tell this world how wrong they were in telling me that this relationship would not work. And many more of such reasons, and in the end I was the one who ended it because I realized it wasn’t worth the pain. I realized that no relationship is worth ruining yourself for…and more importantly I guess because I realized I deserve better.

When I look back at the last three and a half or four years that I had spent with him, I see that there was nothing I ever did which was truly for him. It never is…everything we do has the ultimate objective of our own happiness behind it. We bend ourselves as much we think our hearts and minds can endure in order to achieve this ultimate happiness but the moment we feel that the pain is out of hand we let it go.

So if our happiness is of utmost importance to us then why do go through all this pain. I keep asking myself was it all worth the misery.

We keep saying love hurts…we’ve been saying that since time immemorial then why do we keep falling in love over and over again. And each time our hearts break we either console ourselves by saying it wasn’t meant to be or it helped me become a better person.

The “it wasn’t meant to be…” statement seems so superficial to me that I wouldn’t even like to consider it. But what do we mean when we say that it helped me become a better person. Do we need our hearts broken, scarred, and burnt to learn to be better people…?? People say when your heart is broken and scarred you get closer to God. I don’t know if I got any closer to him or not, it for sure was a painful process.

But the question remains, was it worth it…and do we actually become better people or we become worse. We don’t stop trying but at the same time we stop trusting. We want the forever and at the same time we run away from it. I guess it’s the fear of loosing ourselves that keeps us away from this concept of selfless love. I guess that’s why it just takes ten days and a kiss to let go of the true Love. Funny isn’t it…. ;)

 

PS: I’m sure a lot of you might think this “ten days and a kiss” thing to be crap. I did to, but if you’re in a rotten relationship then find a person who can give you undivided attention for ten days and is willing to kiss you. Try it; it’ll reduce the pain of the heart break.

Statutory warning: make sure the kiss doesn’t lead you to another relationship, at least not within ten days. Don’t rush into another one so soon.

Just who i am....

“Ally said if I come out of my problems I’ll go find some more…I like being a mess that’s just who I am.”

Well isn’t she so talking about me, I simply love this woman. When I see her I see myself, what she does and what she feels it’s just what I feel. Maybe because things in my life have been quite like hers, she does things and feels things as wacky as I do. Today Billy admitted he still loves her, trust me I know exactly how she would have felt when she heard that. I sometimes wish Ally & Billy were together, and she was not alone and wacked like she is now. But then if you think about it deeply then you would know that the series wouldn’t have been there at all. This after all is a story of an independent, charming and yet lonely woman. Who probably is one of the most desirable woman one could find and her own love didn’t take her for life.

Life is also just like that, I’m not just talking about myself. When I look around I see that the most desirable independent & charming women are the ones who are the loneliest.

I guess that’s the irony of life, each man around the world is intimidated or awed by the charm & the independence and the way she carries herself etc etc. But then when it comes to spending their lives with these women, they back off. At times I feel that men can’t handle a woman as capable as themselves or what ever it is. But one thing is for sure loneliness is the price a woman often pays for her independence. Call it whatever but somewhere deep in a man’s heart he wants to be with a woman who would take care of his home and not a board room. Its not that women who are in charge of the board rooms can’t take care of homes, it’s just how we perceive them. These women are adventurous, fearless and confident; they have their head above their shoulders and self-esteem soaring high. And that’s where the problem lies…they are willing to take chances and risk their world to get what they want. They are willing to fight till the end and win each battle in life; be it in the board room or in the bed room. And boom there goes the relationship.

Women like these (me included) are fighters they would do anything to get what they want. And while fighting for it a lot of times we loose sight of the one we are fighting for. We don’t realize that while fighting for it we just lost him on the way, and left him so far behind that he decided to change course. And that’s it that’s the end of it.

I think in the happiness and the sheer pleasure of having him, and then with the will to win him back I actually forgot to keep him with me. I just went too far and he probably lost track.

Well no matter what this fierce independent woman wouldn’t loose heart and I shall win him back; even if it takes for me to go a few steps backwards.

So way to go Ally….and all you beautiful women out there….just be what you are coz that’s what matters the most.

Ever after...

Ally said last night said that once in every life time we fall in love with someone we never fall out of. But then even if we don’t fall out of love with that someone. How true, for some reason I had always seen myself somewhere in Ally. But never in my dreams had I imagined that my life would be something like hers. I was on top of this world when I fell in love with him and my happiness knew no boundaries when he asked me to marry him. And then one fine day when I was busy making preparations for our wedding he decides that this relationship isn’t the best for both of us. For some reason he feels that we wouldn’t be happy together, and then again I see Ally standing & staring me in my face. Just like Billy he decides to let me and this relationship go, thankfully not just like Billy did by marrying Georgia. But no matter what the pain was as bad as it could have been. I just hope we don’t end up like Ally & Billy, I just pray that we get to have a happy ending and live happily ever after.

But what exactly is living happily ever after…???

Is it about getting married and having kids…??? Or is it about just being in love for the rest of our lives…???

I think it’s a combination of both… well that’s at least how I would want our life to be, together married with kids and loving each other for the rest of our lives. But does this happen, do people or lovers who get married love each other all through their lives…???

Almost all my friends are married either to the one they love or to someone their parents suggested, but why don’t I see any of them happy. Just the other day I met a girl who was about to be married to her sweet heart she had been seeing for more than 6 years and still she wasn’t happy, her to be mom-in-law was very successfully creating riffs between the happy couple. Then I see my best friend who married the guy her parents chose for her and now she is struggling with her marriage coz the guy doesn’t wish to give her the amount of respect and freedom she deserves. And then there is another couple who is happy among themselves but the guy is living with guilt of not being able to be with his parents because his wife doesn’t like that much. What is this marriage thing all about…???

I know that you can’t get the best of both worlds at the same time and you always win some and loose some, but aren’t we loosing out on our happiness because of either our spouse’s happiness or our parents or our in-laws happiness. Why don’t we as complete civilized individuals be happy and content with our lives and ourselves..???

When I say this I’m no different because at this point in time I’m being torn apart between the love of my parents and the only man on earth I truly love. The only reason I’m writing this and putting it on the blog is because I want you someone who’s reading this to answer my question.

What is a person’s real happiness…??? Why are we so dependent on someone else in this world to make us happy…??? Why is it that I feel that no man on this earth would keep me as happy as he would…???

At times I feel that I’m being stupid for just going crazy over someone who doesn’t even feel this relationship would last. But then would it be fair to let something so precious to me go because he is feeling insecure about it. Every single day my parents storm me with photographs of all the prospective grooms they feel would be fit for their lovely daughter but my heart doesn’t seem to agree. The fairly tale world that I have been living in can’t believe that my happily ever after might just not happen. Do people even have a “happily ever after” ending…???

You know when I think of my grand parents I believe that this happens, people love each other till death takes them apart and even in heaven they stay together. And then I think that Ally was right, there always is that someone in each of our lives with whom we never fall out of love. Not even after they die, when we truly love someone we never let that person go. And when I love him so much how can I let him go…

THE PEACEFUL SLUMBER

 “And there was nothing left to sight, nothing even so slight, as the noiseless flutter of a butterfly in flight….”

Once a beautiful village was now just a piece of barren land, which had nothing but ruins of houses that were once homes. Dead bodies of hundreds of men, women and children were all over the place. The smoke and the ashes had wrapped the whole village and in the horrifying silence and all that one could hear was the sound of bullets and bombs. Even the painful cries of the wounded were hushed now and it seemed that almost everyone in the village was dead.

Amidst all this sat a father with his four-year-old son in his arms trying to put him to sleep. Bullets were showered from all sides and the remaining few were running in all directions to save their lives but this man shall not move. He shall not move because his son was yet to sleep. The poor little thing had not eaten since last night and had not slept almost since the war began, so he had to put him to sleep now. This man had lost everything he had to this war and his son was all he was left with now. His wife was raped and then killed by the soldiers and his daughter got caught in a landmine. His house and his land became targets of air bombing.

He somehow managed to escape and save his & his son’s life. They spent the last night hiding in a stable but had to come out as the boy was starving. With his son in his arms he sat against a broken wall looking for some food somewhere but the pouring bullets made the task impossible. Trembling with fear he whispered in his sons ears “Don’t worry son, it’ll be all right. I’ll get you something to eat. You know I love you…” and kissed his forehead while tears went trickling down his cheeks.

Just then he saw a little piece of bread lying near a trashcan. “Hey, daddy is going to get you that piece of bread, don’t move from here till I come back…ok….”, he placed his some against the wall and escaping the bullets ran to get the bread. Hiding behind the trashcan he tried to get hold of the bread, he could see his son sitting by the wall smiling at him. He got hold of the bread and ran with it towards him. He reached there to find him sitting absolutely still yet smiling. He gave him the piece of bread but he didn’t take it and just stared into emptiness. He was dead.

A starving 4-year-old innocent was shot dead; a bullet from somewhere came and pierced his little heart. With hope in his eyes and a smile on his face, he kept waiting for his father to bring that piece of bread for him. The son who hadn’t slept for days was now asleep forever. One bullet, and a man lost his only hope, and a father lost his son. Someone’s freedom struggle cost this man his family.

The “DIFFERENCE...”

Being in love is the most beautiful feeling in this world and when it happens at the age of 16 then you can imagine the seriousness of the whole affair. So here I was barely 16 years old and just out of school and all excited to go to college. I was not those typical teenaged girls I was a little different, (well that’s what I always thought) I dressed differently and tried not to do things which were kind of different. Actually I was an example of a deliberate effort of being different in what ever I did. I was a part of the crowd always trying to stand out and do something that’s “different”. So in this quest of the difference I wore cloths that were a blend of fashion trends of past 3-4 decades, read books on religion and philosophy and generally talked about these things and used the most powerful language possible. This to be different attitude did not do much good to me, my parents always thought that there was something wrong with me and friends and my sister thought that I was weird. But I was happy with this weird life of mine and not really bothered about what people thought of me.

And with this carefree attitude of mine I stepped in college, and to my surprise the entire crowd was full of weirdo’s of various types. Girls just too pretty and somehow too brightly dressed and a bit too chirpy and innocent all glamorized and accessorized from top to bottom. Some of them almost looked like a demonstration of some glam girls’ magazine, with the most perfect dress and makeup. And the guys on the other hand were as macho as you can imagine, most of them looked like the incarnations of Hrithik Roshan and Arjun Rampal and the likes. Flat abs and bulging biceps were all around the college, and mostly fiercely competing with one of the pretty lasses of the college. At first I felt a little out of place there but then I started enjoying the activities of these beautiful people without any brains. Days kept passing and I made friends some very pretty and equally dumb girls and some very handsome but duh guys…and I was most of the time giving them gyan about life, religion and karma. (I can feel a halo on my head right now) (BIG SMILE). And by this time I had started to consider myself to be one of the most intellectual people around and had started to enjoy this newfound status. Even though I was responsible for a lot of relationships I myself was in search of an eligible boyfriend.

This search lasted a year and finally I came across my Mr. Right. He was a final year student and was the cutest guy I had ever seen. No biceps no pomp and show just a simple cute looking person with twinkling eyes. I had never seen him in this last year and even now I did not really have an opportunity to talk to him. All my friends made all possible efforts to bring us close but it somehow didn’t workout. And in just a few months time I became lady devdas sulking for a long lost first love. This miserable state of mine was becoming intolerable so my friends decided to break the ice between us. A very good friend of mine (rahul) deliberately made friends with him and made sure that he spent as much time possible with us. He was there with us in the canteen, in pubs and parties and everywhere we went. It somehow was visible that he too wanted to be with us. I was on seventh heaven these days, dressing up like a normal girl and doing things like all pretty young things do. At this time I did not regret the fact that I was not being different, because I knew that the person I was doing all this for was different not like other guys.

Since it had been a good 2months of this going out together so we decided that I should tell him how I felt and what we all felt that he liked me too. So this dear friend who initially made friends with my beloved Tarun (sorry forgot to mention his name) threw a grand party and made all arrangements for the most romantic proposal. I was dressed in a sexy red gown all set to say those three magical words...

Everything was perfect and we all waited with baited breath for the man of my dreams. After keeping us waiting for almost an hour he entered the room in a black suit looking stunning and with a huge bunch of red roses in his hands. There was pin drop silence all eyes were on him and my heart was beating louder than a cannon fire, hope he didn’t hear it beat that loud. My heart was skipping beats with each step he took. I had already started dreaming of the happy life we are about to live together and I had already started shedding tears of joy.

He was standing right in front of me; I closed my eyes to hear those magical words. And he finally said...” I’ve been waiting for this moment all this time... And I really don’t know how you will react to it but I think its time I told you how I felt, because I can’t keep it to myself… it feels weird to say it in front of so many people but if you like it this way so this is how you’ll have it…”

He took a long deep breath and stepped a little closer, and I almost stopped breathing…

And then he said again...” I never thought I’ll get this opportunity and I never thought you too felt the way I did but Rahul… I really really love you... and would love to spend the rest of my life with you…”

I opened my eyes in sheer surprise. All eyes were on Rahul who stood there all embarrassed and fuming with anger. And my darling stood there looking at everyone sheepishly and didn’t really know how to react to our questioning looks. I really didn’t know how to react, and I was feeling too bad for that poor thing, who was almost in tears by all the blasting Rahul was giving him. It wasn’t really his fault that he was gay, and he didn’t do anything to hurt me so I thought I’d sort it out for him. So finally Rahul cooled down and we all became good friends.

…And then he kissed me….

All through my teenage years I lived with the firm belief that you fall in love once and its forever. I believed like all fairytales my Prince Charming would come riding a white horse, kiss me and take me to his land where we shall live happily ever after. I lived through my school and college with this belief and in spite of all the crushes I had I never really gave any chance to a relationship. I wanted to wait for just the right person and give myself to him completely. But as you know life isn’t a fairytale and this dear little Snow White kept waiting for her Prince Charming to come and wake her up from her sweet slumber. As I grew older I lost all hopes of such a fairytale romance and decided to have relationships more of the practical types. Thus life went normally and I had convinced myself to be happy too. The fairytales were a thing of past now but then I met him….

Him who…he was this cute guy I came across when I switched my job. He was good looking, charming, well mannered and extremely sexy in some unexplainable way. His puppy eyes and sunshine smile swept me off my feet the moment I set eyes on him. And as days passed and we became better and better friends I realized that this attraction was mutual and I was encouraging it all through. And started a series of dinners and drives. It was purely healthy flirting for me and I didn’t ever give it a serious thought and went on with my fun. But as time passed the dinners started becoming more romantic and the drives longer. The dates so to say were now started with roses, orchids or gladiolas. And gifts started poring in every now and then, he was falling for me and it was visible. I tried to avoid thinking about this for as long as possible, but neither could I help noticing his inclination towards me and nor could I help getting attracted towards him. I felt that I was using him as I already had a boyfriend, and I was very clearly two timing him.

The conflict within me was taking its toll on me and I tried a number of times discussing it with him and tell him that I cant ditch my boyfriend for him, but I could never manage to do so. This affair was getting too complicated and I really didn’t know how to avoid the increase in the level of intimacy between us. He seemed to have realized the craving inside me, and also the conflict. But I guess the craving was much deeper and he was all prepared to fill my heart with what it craved for. I spent nights thinking about it, and then came to the conclusion that I should get rid of this confusion and tell him that I can never think of anything beyond plane simple platonic relationship. The bhartiya nari in me was in full bloom right now and I wanted to be loyal to my boyfriend. With this firm belief I went to meet him, he as always looked extra-ordinarily sexy, and my heart started pounding the moment we shook hands. Even before I could start of the speech I had prepared all night, he told me we are going out for dinner. He was very happy for some reason I really couldn’t figure out and I didn’t want to spoil the evening by starting off with my speech. So I wore my plastic smile and went on with the dinner date. As always the dinner lasted a bit too long, he went on telling what an exciting day he had at work and how much he loves doing it, and loads of other things. He knew for sure that something was going on in my mind but he never let me get to know it. I was a bit too quiet and too conscious of his presence, and he was enjoying every bit of it. For the first time I felt he was able to see through me and was reading my thoughts, he could touch and feel every inch of my body by just looking at me. And his drooping eyes were intoxicating me more than my vodka. The intensity of his glances increased with each passing moment. It felt as if something inside me was melting slowly and running all through my blood streams. By now I had completely forgotten all that I wanted to say to him and was completely taken over by him.

Dinner was over and we decided to start off for back home, even though I really didn’t want it much I got up to go. He slowly slipped his hand into mine and we walked out of the restaurant together, no words were spoken as we walked towards the parking. He helped me get in the car and asked me to wait while he got some ice cream for both of us. My eyes followed him wherever he went, I could smell him in the cool breeze that came towards me after touching him. I felt like just crashing in his arms and never move out of his embrace. But this fairytale came to an end that very moment, my boyfriend sent me an sms saying he missed me and I was caught up again in the dilemma. On one side was a man who was prepared to do anything and everything just to see a smile on my face and on the other side was someone who had done nothing but made me cry in all the while I was with him. The choice was clear and obvious but at that moment I was not able to gather the courage to take the decision. I felt that I was cheating on my boyfriend by liking someone else, when I knew for sure that he was seeing other girls in spite of me being around. I knew for sure that if I let go of this man I would never find someone who would love me like him but something inside me was not letting me give in. and more over I wasn’t even sure if I was right in coming to a conclusion that he loved me, he never said anything. Thus I decided that I’d tell him that I would not like to take this friendship/relationship any further.

The chain of my thoughts was broken when he came with 2 ice creams in his hands and knocked at the window next to me. I took both in my hands and he came inside. The weather was even better now, the clouds had started gathering, so I told him to drop me home before it starts pouring. We started the drive, both were quite, he was because he was too busy with his ice cream and I didn’t know how to break this silence. I’m sure he could sense my discomfort but he chose to remain silent. I kept looking out of the window; it had started drizzling by now. Finally I gathered all my courage and started talking, since I didn’t want to deviate from the topic I decided to straight away come to the point. I started with explaining to him that I already am in a relationship since last one year and I’m not being fair to either my boyfriend or to him by doing this to both of them. And how uncomfortable and guilty I felt every time I met him and I felt that I was using him to get rid of my loneliness, which wasn’t fair to him. I also told him about my growing inclination towards him which I was unable to control and also that I also somewhere in my heart felt that he felt the same for me. I went on with all of this till we reached my place, he was quite all the while listening to me intently but he never looked at me, not even for an instance. I really wasn’t sure how he would react to all that I had said and his silence was making me really nervous. Trying to hide the turmoil inside me I picked up my bag and started to move out… “ This is the last time we’re meeting…I don’t want to see you again…good-bye take care” saying this I started to climb out of the car.

I suddenly felt a jerk on my arm and he pulled me inside, “ so said what you had to…don’t you want to listen to what I have to say…” He was holding my arm really tight and in spite of all the efforts I made to free myself from his grip, I wasn’t able to do it. He kept looking at me for a long time without saying a word. I had never seen him like this before my words had surely hurt him. “ So you don’t want to meet me anymore and you want to bring this relationship to an end…right…is this all or you have something else to say…” he said, his eyes red and brimming with tears. He drew me closer to him, “come what may…we’ll never part…”

Pulling me closer to himself he held me tightly in his arms and then he kissed me…the sky came pouring down hiding us from everyone around the road. It seemed as if the clouds were raining on his instructions, the passionate he grew the more it rained. He was all over me, his tongue touching me deep in my mouth and his arms holding me in a never ending embrace. It was as if Mother Nature was blessing us with the pouring clouds and each droplet falling on the roof of the car telling me how much he loved me. That one kiss said it all…and it was the end of the conflict within me…my heart…my soul…and my body in unison surrendered to the love they always craved for…