Addicted

When I met you I was a mess...what happened with you was probably my way of getting over the last horrible relationship I was in. But what happened after that…? This is something I am yet to figure out. I didn’t realize my ten days and a kiss theory would end up becoming a habit of kissing you, ten times a day… ;)

 

What started as an effort to get over the past suddenly became my present and gradually my dreams of the future. It is just the perfect relationship I can’t deny that, we both understand each other well. We both know what the other person’s fears are and we know each others strengths. Also as they say what could be better if best friends become partners!!!!

 

So, we the best friends decide to become partners, but life isn’t so simple is it…???

 

They say when you die and you have some unfinished business your soul does not rest in peace till the task is finished. An unfinished past also does the same to you. Just when you thought you have sorted things out and you are ready to move on…you’ve got a surprise waiting for you right outside your door in the middle of the night. Amazing…isn’t it…. Just when you fall asleep comfortably in your best friend’s arms, feeling warm and secure… that little surprise wakes you up to reality….

 

Sometimes I wonder how such things happen…I mean how much of a coincidence can this be… you have a great evening with your love…new love I must mention… you spend the entire evening discussing your life together… from the wedding to the honeymoon… to career plans to kids… you discuss everything…and guess what both of you are thinking about your ex-lovers.

And somewhere down the line have this question in your heart why isn’t the person sitting in front of me him or her. You don’t think about them because you miss them or you are not happy in your new relationship. Your truly happy, happier than you were ever in the past and you do not miss them at all, you think about them coz they keep knocking at your door. You think about them coz you’ve not ended it once and for all.

 

Somehow when it comes to ending relationships, I think there can never be a healthy break-up. It doesn’t end till you’re nasty does it…?? I still haven’t found a way to bring my past relationship to a closure. And neither has he…

Somehow it’s just the most difficult thing to do… to tell the person who once was the center of your Universe that you don’t need them anymore. Its difficult to tell them that you’ve fallen in love again… you’ve found someone who loves you for what you are… you’ve found someone who truly makes you smile… you’ve found someone who cares for you… and someone who’s willing to accept you in-spite of all the mistakes and blunders of the past. Someone who’s just ok with all your imperfections coz they don’t matter… and someone to who is your best friend… the one you shared all your secrets and fears with… someone who does no think that you are a freak if you share your anxieties and weaknesses with them. And even when we find all that we don’t want to let go of the past… or are we not able to let it go.

Why and how does this become so difficult…???

 

Is yesterday’s pain & suffering more fulfilling than today’s happiness and the sense of completeness you receive from this new person in your life…???

 

Are we addicted to pain…??? Do we enjoy it now…??

 

I guess yes… we humans are very competitive my nature, we like the pressure; we tend to enjoy the constant struggle that we are in when in a rotten relationship. And somewhere we get really comfortable with the relationship however it is. And since there’s always some fire in the relationship, we find it difficult to believe that it is possible to have a relationship where things are smooth. A relationship where everything is fine and you are actually happy and not in a constant trauma, pain and suffering… A relationship where the two of you share smiles rather than screaming at each other and crying yourself to sleep…

 

It just so hard to accept this simple thing…

Why do we always doubt the simple things in life…

When I was with my ex and my (now) boy friend was with his ex, neither of us ever doubted the sanctity of the relationship and we never questioned the happiness we would get once we were with them, in spite of the fact that all we got in that relationship was pain and sadness. But the moment we find found happiness in each other and it seemed that we can take it further and make it last we started questioning each other.

 

“Would we be happy like this…even after we get married…???”

“Would you always love me the way you do now…???”

“Would you remain this way always…???”

 

And the list is endless, I’m wondering why didn’t we ask these questions to ourselves and to our ex lovers when we were unhappy. You know why, coz we accept unhappiness, failure etc more easily as compared to happiness, love and success.

 

He say’s “I Love you…” and I ask do you really mean it. And when I say it he asks if I’ll love him the same way always.

 

And now when we are thinking of tying the knot, our past is still knocking on the door. And the sad part is that we’re not willing to seal that door forever. At this stage also we are worried that we would break their hearts.

 

I still burst into tears when my ex gets drunk and calls me in the middle of the night…

 

And he finds it traumatic to tell his ex that he has decided to marry someone else…

 

We both don’t want to break their hearts, without realizing we might be breaking each other’s heart.

 

Rotten love is like a drug, and its addiction is deadly. Sometimes pain is so pleasurable and so addictive that we are willing to give up just about everything to stay in it.

 

But the question is… is it worth it…???

 

Would you like to loose the one person who truly makes you happy for this addiction to pain…???

 

Give it a thought…