…And then he kissed me….

All through my teenage years I lived with the firm belief that you fall in love once and its forever. I believed like all fairytales my Prince Charming would come riding a white horse, kiss me and take me to his land where we shall live happily ever after. I lived through my school and college with this belief and in spite of all the crushes I had I never really gave any chance to a relationship. I wanted to wait for just the right person and give myself to him completely. But as you know life isn’t a fairytale and this dear little Snow White kept waiting for her Prince Charming to come and wake her up from her sweet slumber. As I grew older I lost all hopes of such a fairytale romance and decided to have relationships more of the practical types. Thus life went normally and I had convinced myself to be happy too. The fairytales were a thing of past now but then I met him….

Him who…he was this cute guy I came across when I switched my job. He was good looking, charming, well mannered and extremely sexy in some unexplainable way. His puppy eyes and sunshine smile swept me off my feet the moment I set eyes on him. And as days passed and we became better and better friends I realized that this attraction was mutual and I was encouraging it all through. And started a series of dinners and drives. It was purely healthy flirting for me and I didn’t ever give it a serious thought and went on with my fun. But as time passed the dinners started becoming more romantic and the drives longer. The dates so to say were now started with roses, orchids or gladiolas. And gifts started poring in every now and then, he was falling for me and it was visible. I tried to avoid thinking about this for as long as possible, but neither could I help noticing his inclination towards me and nor could I help getting attracted towards him. I felt that I was using him as I already had a boyfriend, and I was very clearly two timing him.

The conflict within me was taking its toll on me and I tried a number of times discussing it with him and tell him that I cant ditch my boyfriend for him, but I could never manage to do so. This affair was getting too complicated and I really didn’t know how to avoid the increase in the level of intimacy between us. He seemed to have realized the craving inside me, and also the conflict. But I guess the craving was much deeper and he was all prepared to fill my heart with what it craved for. I spent nights thinking about it, and then came to the conclusion that I should get rid of this confusion and tell him that I can never think of anything beyond plane simple platonic relationship. The bhartiya nari in me was in full bloom right now and I wanted to be loyal to my boyfriend. With this firm belief I went to meet him, he as always looked extra-ordinarily sexy, and my heart started pounding the moment we shook hands. Even before I could start of the speech I had prepared all night, he told me we are going out for dinner. He was very happy for some reason I really couldn’t figure out and I didn’t want to spoil the evening by starting off with my speech. So I wore my plastic smile and went on with the dinner date. As always the dinner lasted a bit too long, he went on telling what an exciting day he had at work and how much he loves doing it, and loads of other things. He knew for sure that something was going on in my mind but he never let me get to know it. I was a bit too quiet and too conscious of his presence, and he was enjoying every bit of it. For the first time I felt he was able to see through me and was reading my thoughts, he could touch and feel every inch of my body by just looking at me. And his drooping eyes were intoxicating me more than my vodka. The intensity of his glances increased with each passing moment. It felt as if something inside me was melting slowly and running all through my blood streams. By now I had completely forgotten all that I wanted to say to him and was completely taken over by him.

Dinner was over and we decided to start off for back home, even though I really didn’t want it much I got up to go. He slowly slipped his hand into mine and we walked out of the restaurant together, no words were spoken as we walked towards the parking. He helped me get in the car and asked me to wait while he got some ice cream for both of us. My eyes followed him wherever he went, I could smell him in the cool breeze that came towards me after touching him. I felt like just crashing in his arms and never move out of his embrace. But this fairytale came to an end that very moment, my boyfriend sent me an sms saying he missed me and I was caught up again in the dilemma. On one side was a man who was prepared to do anything and everything just to see a smile on my face and on the other side was someone who had done nothing but made me cry in all the while I was with him. The choice was clear and obvious but at that moment I was not able to gather the courage to take the decision. I felt that I was cheating on my boyfriend by liking someone else, when I knew for sure that he was seeing other girls in spite of me being around. I knew for sure that if I let go of this man I would never find someone who would love me like him but something inside me was not letting me give in. and more over I wasn’t even sure if I was right in coming to a conclusion that he loved me, he never said anything. Thus I decided that I’d tell him that I would not like to take this friendship/relationship any further.

The chain of my thoughts was broken when he came with 2 ice creams in his hands and knocked at the window next to me. I took both in my hands and he came inside. The weather was even better now, the clouds had started gathering, so I told him to drop me home before it starts pouring. We started the drive, both were quite, he was because he was too busy with his ice cream and I didn’t know how to break this silence. I’m sure he could sense my discomfort but he chose to remain silent. I kept looking out of the window; it had started drizzling by now. Finally I gathered all my courage and started talking, since I didn’t want to deviate from the topic I decided to straight away come to the point. I started with explaining to him that I already am in a relationship since last one year and I’m not being fair to either my boyfriend or to him by doing this to both of them. And how uncomfortable and guilty I felt every time I met him and I felt that I was using him to get rid of my loneliness, which wasn’t fair to him. I also told him about my growing inclination towards him which I was unable to control and also that I also somewhere in my heart felt that he felt the same for me. I went on with all of this till we reached my place, he was quite all the while listening to me intently but he never looked at me, not even for an instance. I really wasn’t sure how he would react to all that I had said and his silence was making me really nervous. Trying to hide the turmoil inside me I picked up my bag and started to move out… “ This is the last time we’re meeting…I don’t want to see you again…good-bye take care” saying this I started to climb out of the car.

I suddenly felt a jerk on my arm and he pulled me inside, “ so said what you had to…don’t you want to listen to what I have to say…” He was holding my arm really tight and in spite of all the efforts I made to free myself from his grip, I wasn’t able to do it. He kept looking at me for a long time without saying a word. I had never seen him like this before my words had surely hurt him. “ So you don’t want to meet me anymore and you want to bring this relationship to an end…right…is this all or you have something else to say…” he said, his eyes red and brimming with tears. He drew me closer to him, “come what may…we’ll never part…”

Pulling me closer to himself he held me tightly in his arms and then he kissed me…the sky came pouring down hiding us from everyone around the road. It seemed as if the clouds were raining on his instructions, the passionate he grew the more it rained. He was all over me, his tongue touching me deep in my mouth and his arms holding me in a never ending embrace. It was as if Mother Nature was blessing us with the pouring clouds and each droplet falling on the roof of the car telling me how much he loved me. That one kiss said it all…and it was the end of the conflict within me…my heart…my soul…and my body in unison surrendered to the love they always craved for…